My husband and I traveled to Italy this summer for vacation and our first stop was Rome. Even before we landed, we found ourselves saying things like:
“Do you think you’ll want to do a tour of the Colosseum?”
“When in Rome!”
And then it continued for four days straight.
“Do you want to grab some gelato?”
“When in Rome!”
"I'm in the mood for pasta. What about you?"
"When in Rome!"
It. Never. Got. Old.
However, as we departed for Naples, I started to think about what the full phrase, “When in Rome, do as the Romans do” really means.
Being open-minded to experiencing new things and immersing yourself in the culture seems like a great practice that demonstrates a level of curiosity and respect for the traditions of the people around you.
Losing yourself, abandoning your values, and completely assimilating to the norms of the dominant culture in order to be accepted, well, that feels problematic.
I reflected on our time in Rome and considered which elements I wanted to adopt and incorporate into my life more deliberately.
For sure, Aperol spritzes were high on the list, as was a commitment to authentic, hand-made, thin-crust pizza with fresh, locally sourced mozzarella cheese. OMG.
I was also easily converted from the folksy frozen yogurt I’m used to in the States (“Ohh, I even get to add my own toppings!”) to the much more sophisticated Italian gelato, which requires no additional accouterment because it is already perfection in its simplest form. There really is no going back. IYKYK.
Beyond the food and drinks (although I could stay on that topic for a while), the magic of Rome is evident in its national pride. There’s an obvious adoration for the grandeur of ancient Rome and a celebration of the brilliance of Italian artists and architects throughout the centuries. In case you forgot even momentarily that the Roman Empire used to be the center of Western civilization, there are reminders everywhere with awe-inspiring buildings and magnificent monuments around every corner. I learned that Rome has more than 900 churches – 900! –and most of them are the opposite of unassuming (very assuming?).
As spectacular as Rome is, I also recognized that there were some things that I did not want to “just do as the Romans do.” For example, putting salt on my salad. Every time I ordered a salad, it was brought to the table with balsamic vinegar, olive oil, and a salt shaker. I found this pairing so curious that I looked it up and discovered that the word salad comes from the Latin word for salt (who knew?!) so these two have a long history together. That may be true and, still, I think I’ll pass.
I will also pass on riding a Vespa scooter and using it to weave between cars while in heavy traffic. At high speeds. With my partner on the back. And my toddler in front. Without helmets.
Nope, not even when in Rome.
Additionally, just as the United States needs to do (so, so, so) much to reckon with its history of being established on the stolen land of Indigenous people and built on the backs of slaves, Italy has work to do to recognize that the grandeur of Rome is a result of immense power leveraged (politically, militarily, religiously) and wealth acquired through hundreds of years of conquests and coercion. I mean, Rome wasn't built in a day (see what I did there?).
The juxtaposition of a modern 21st Century city with ancient ruins scattered throughout struck me as a reminder that we always carry our past with us, even if it’s in shambles. The ongoing work of healing and growth is to find a way to embrace and honor those parts without letting them define us.
Perhaps that’s really what the Italian saying, “Dolce Vita,” is all about. Yes, a sweet life is about indulging in good food and drink with people you care about, but it also means being at peace with all of who you are. In addition to authentic pizza and delicious gelato, that is definitely something I want more of in my life even when I’m not in Rome.
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